Thank you all for the wonderful birthday wishes. I have been super busy lately, mostly is about my new job, i been undertaking different kind of training and flying between my home town, Beijing and Shanghai. Shanghai is my new Home now I love this city. Alright this is a short update. Thank you guys again.

Love and Hugs.
Bide

1 Months ago I quit school and decided to go back to China and start from there.
Currently in China, taking a break and volunteer myself to the Asia games 2010 hosted in Guangzhou China this November, I'm looking forward to be selected as i love to help out in such event and do whatever they want me to do.

I'm looking forward to what's going to happen and happening.
So While I'm in China few things that I used to use will not work:
✗ My Blog at Blogspot.com
✗ My Facebook Account
✗ All my Twitter Accounts
✗ Youtube
✗ All blogging services sites ( Exclude Wordpress, but it's super slow )

But there are still few important services that works:
✓ My Website
✓ Vimeo Account
✓ DeviantART Account
✓ Last.FM
✓ Linked
✓ HOT XXX XXXX Stuff ( I love these fucking stuff )

I'm switching to a new chinese blogging service call blogbus, in the meanwhile i'll try to post updates from my website.
Well at the moment home gives me a bit of uneasy feelings, but it will all eventually come together beautifully.
Cheer everyone. And If i got more interesting stuff I'll share.

What's happening in your life at the moment? : )

I think i went crazy and bought a 12 months Sub.
What was i thinking??!!?!  Lolz...

Update: My typo is gone to a extreme level.

Check it out at [link]



With a help from a Canadian friend Kaithe, we Fixed a huge number of things. Including grammar mistake. I was in a rush to complete it. I will take more time to fix other minder problems.

Btw the whole web was made using iWeb, it was worth of few days of work.

Updates: Fixed web page names and other problem like spellings. also added in a news pages.

Thank you guys for all the love and support. i have been busy.
if you like to know what's been going one with me, my blog and my website will be a better place. cuibide.blogspot.com

What's new? Well my new camera bag is coming next week, also the custom made Christmas gift it's on it's way, so i can post them away together with other stuff to a very important guy that i know. I wish him very happy Christmas. and i just join the Designerscouch.org as a creative human.

Lastly i have completely given up the idea of getting a new Mac this year or next year. I choice to wait and i want to upgrade not only the hardware but also the software, so my next upgrade is going to be damn expensive. and i can choice to buy a Windows PC rather then Apple Macs. So i have lots of work to do.*hugs* need jobs. sometime is hard because liars is on the hunt, and i will make sure the never catch me.

Well i am sorry to bring these madness here, but i needed someone to share the story with. Again thank you all for the love and support. It's wonderful. now talk about the weather here, It's summer but the temperature it's just 42.8F this morning, really cold and windy for summer. and that gave me a summer blue. Last year was freaking hot, this year is... freaking cold? I hope not because that can only mean global climate is in huge mess. I don't know how long time this planet have for us to make some real changes. And it makes ma realize there are so many other extremely important thing that i should worry about. So Thank you all again. and wish you guy have a very happy holiday. and i'll be back.

If you not sure what's happen read this 1st Journal Entry [link]

What is ~iogames think he is? i am sure he just registered the this >> ~bidecui register day is today and a skype name with bidecui. (I got an email from Julia Rancharan (mymkbiz@gmail.com) and telling about this, I am not sure who he is, i hope he is not him ~iogames)

~iogames is taking this to a next level that makes me so sick. I gave him Chances to explain, but he keep on lying to me and making unwise choices and keep push my limiteds. I am not happy. he needs to apologize to me! and stop this silly behavior.

Also he fakes his Registrant ID for the domain he is trying to blackmail me: [link]

I wish he know that he is getting himself into.
Anyway i am not going to deal with this anymore, i'll let him be silly. Sigh!!

Before you read on, read the 1st paragraph.
What is this, about a guy bought a domain using my name and want to sale it back to me. I'll let you see our conversations, i didn't at like this guy at him at all, i remember the 1st time he commented on my DA with some problematic attitude at that moment he gave me a bad impression, and now he is nocking on my door showing off his ugly face. and i was shocked to know that i am putting myself up with him. Btw the fact that he bought a domain using my name is already something that i don't like about. but i accepted the fact that the net is wide open, everyone can do what ever they want to, but i hope they do it with a little be of respect.]




Reading Begins here:</i>
~iogames via: arcadhia@hotmail.com
Hi Sir...
First of all, I need to say that I really admire your Art... second, that's the reason why I bought the domain name BideCui.com...
I'm sincerely willing to transfer it to you, of course in exchange for 2 simple designs...
Please let me know of your Intentions, by now I have 2 offers for the domain...
Charm Regards

~petercui at bidecui@me.com
I am sorry i have officially given up on bidecui.com so I have bought [link] for 10 years.
I wish you will find useful help from great artist on the web, i am sure you will because there are lots of them.
Lastly:
You have did yourself a stupid deal.
It's too late. you lost me!
Good luck

~iogames via: arcadhia@hotmail.com
Lastly:
You have did yourself a stupid deal.
It's too late. you lost me!
Good luck
Don't think so Sir... you're in Australia, I'm on USA where traffic is higher, and point two: I can set a t-shirt store with your designs

~petercui at bidecui@me.com
Logically your explanation does make the point.
More over i do not need a T-Shirt store.
I know your attentions of buying the bidecui.com. and your email today continues approved your intentions to me.
I do not wish to deal or spend unnecessary energy and time with people like you and the kind of intentions that you have for me. that's why i choice bidecui.me
but since your starting to knocking my door, i will have to tell you Stop wasting your time with me. i really don't like you.

~iogames via: arcadhia@hotmail.com
.COM and  Google's algorithm favors me...
I want to be honest with you, I'm a good designer, but not gay, that makes you better designer than me... you are hard to deal with (as I explained to my girlfriend-woman-lady)

I was expecting this reaction from your part, but I'm confident that some day you will contact me as you make the stupid deal for 10 years, because none .Me can't beat .COM and I will sail smoothly when you will live with this shadow, or turn the eye for a while, or drag the burden of millions of surfers that prefer .COM...

I don't like u either but Logo is for a Church (yes a Church that protect gays by the way) it wasn't for me...
See u soon Mr Cui, I suggest you to change to another domain

~petercui at bidecui@me.com
Now you are making the kind of the right points to me.
I can be hard to deal with, but i am not stubborn to anything that makes the right points.
You could be right that i might be making a 10 years stupid choice with .me. but that's what i chooses to be, and i have already pay for more money than i should for example a backorder to track down the bidecui.com domain.
and you are right that .com was my 1st choice. indeed just like you said .com is more into people's mind.

I can see that you have much confidence that sometime i will change my mind.
but i am going to tell you, i see .me will become extremely popular for individuals in the coming future as .com will slowlly becoming old If you have been paying attention to the web space that domain soon can be create in languages other than just English. [link] future is not with .com or .me it will be personality and the content of the website. .com or whatever itself means nothing. what people care about is not the .com .me or whatever, they care about what the site is about and the content. i hope you know that.

Once again i believe have done more church work then you can count.
Gay or straight just labels that human put on each other. I am not better because i'm a gay, in fact i face more problem then you do. that doesn't make me happy. the difference is how hard you work. Handwork is one of the important keys to successes.

I appreciated your emails.
but i must reject your kind offers.
please understand i made my choice and i am going to stick with it.
if you need assistance base on and kinds of design, i am able to help. And please do not relate the domain name issues with it.
in fact right now i am not available for any kind of design work. i will be selling my macbook pro and other design gears soon once i completed my current project in hand. please go and find other designer for help. as for me i am not available at the moment.

Have a good day and good bye.

~iogames via: thereal@bidecui.com
Hiya my hateful friend!

Well I decided to play hardball with you, since you are immature you chose
the confrontational attitude, it was sooo simple to reach an agreement BUT
you take the long route

You may feel eager to disaccredit me on DA, or write to fight for something
so fragile when I own the rights of the domain, you are free to do it I
will remain in peace selling on my new store!

[link]
and here some reading for reflexion:
" So why is the .com so popular…

It is around for a long time and net surfers are more likely to type .com
in front of your domain name, if they do not remember your extension. So
you might end up with free traffic on your site just because of the domain
extension .com.

If you have any other domain like .info you will have to emphasize to other
that it is not .com but something else. With .com it is usually implied and
taken for granted.

Several other tld like .info and .tv etc. are recent additions. .com was
one of the first domains to be around and commanded a premium among domain
names. So there was a mad rush to buy and park pricey and popular .com
domain names and sell them at high prices.

Have you ever just typed ‘yahoo’ (and not yahoo.com) in the firefox address
bar and pressed ‘GO’ without adding any domain extension. You guessed it
right! you are automatically taken to yahoo.com. And this is valid for any
domain name and not yahoo only. So is that not a great that just by
choosing a domain extension .com you have great traffic at your doorstep.
Just get a good keyword for your domain.

Domain Registrars offer .com at competitive prices with other domains at
$7-9/yr and is in fact one of the cheaper ones. So if you have a choice get
a .com domain extension as first choice!  


~petercui at bidecui@me.com
Hello the person who thinks i hate him.
may i ask you two questions and please give me the honest answers.
1st questions: Why did you buy bidecui.com?
2nd questions: Why did you contact me now and want to sell bidecui.com back to me Bide Cui.


~iogames via: thereal@bidecui.com
I love honesty! Ok I will answer the most direct and simple way...
1. I love your Art
2. I'm photograph retoucher (a good one) so I can't see myself doing light
effects or abstract designs like yours
3. So I buy the domain to EXCHANGE it for 2 designs for 2 projects I have
(never mentioned money)
4. Then for my projects was a boulder, a delayer your artist attitude... so
hard to deal with
5. My favorite artist on this world is Stefan Morrell, (you are the second)
he's on my IM we talk twice a year, he encourage me all the time (I never
act like fanatic)

so you can see that you mess this whole thingy? I just was lucky cause I
think you will choose petercui but the domain was taken... so I still feel
like giving it to you, but in real life I need to advance and make some
projects that will give me the money to subsist, it was a deal and now is a
fight but I always remain calm


~petercui at bidecui@me.com
Ok I Thank you for the word
I'll take serious thought about those points you just mention.

here is how i felt about the whole thing,
I thought you bought the domain is because you want to re-sell it to me with a higher price. Bidecui.com was being taken by a Mexican for a long time, i have been tracking it, and for all this time only recently when the bidecui.com about to expire + i gave up the bidecui.com domain and bought a Bidecui.me domain. Then you contacted me.

So with all this thing happening I thought that because you can't get me to buy that .com domain from you so descried to connect me and make a deal with me.  Because of all this I feel very uncomfortable. from your explanations still i do no understand why you have to buy the domain and make a deal this way, like you said a .com domain only costs less then 8 dollar per year to host it. I am not sure what you're plans are but it's just feel really weird, and i don't like it at all.

I have help many people with out the need for them to pay me back any money, if you really need my help you can try to contact me 1st before you make a deal using a domain as a tool to negotiate. I'm not hard to deal if you started with the right intention.

I hope you can see what has been going on in my brain, your actions are confusing to me. and i know not many people are willing to honest, they hide their really needs behind a beautiful lie. i have seem people who lie to me, as I keep ask for informations they just reviews their real intentions and they decide to disappear, they never spoke to me again.

So and so, if you have project in hand needed myself i am glad to give you my hands. you can tell me about that project, and i will see if i can help you or not base of my time and ability.

Lastly i have been honest with my intentions and feeling all the ways since the 1st email you wrote to me, i am not affair to be who i am. and i hope you can feel conformable to be the same with me. and i if you come to me with truth and honesty i am more simpler to deal with then you can imagine. if I started to see things from you that's highly questionable i will ask you until you reviews the real truth.

Take Care
Bide Cui


~iogames via: iogames@gmail.com
Ok, I will give u a break... count on the domain, my projects' deadline is next march, and as I said they are very simple...

The mexican is a great programmer who bought the domain in exchange for an english translation of his site, I'm trying (and stuck on this part) in exchange it to you for Church's Logo, and I will exchange it to that Pastor for a brand new wheelchair, that's the end of the road... a wheelchair

As I said, designer here too, and I don't see much of the future on it
www.qsoluciones.net/arcadia/elisha.jpg
www.constantcity.com/landscaping/
Let me know of your desicion...


~petercui at bidecui@me.com
Some how all this Church related reason i have just heart more then once. I hope you are telling me the truth. and you are making thing more and more confusing.


~iogames via: iogames@gmail.com
Nope, TRUE STORY... lol

I went to South America as Missionary, (in a wheelchair, this Baby! [link] )
even if you go to Irak and lose your legs you don't received this beauty, costs 5k...
So I helped them for 6 months free, I have the best intentions to help them but the director is a total fanatic, a mini-nazi... and the creator is a famous Pastor who travels around the world, very nice guy... so I improved many things and was promised the right to redo the website, and was taken away from me for that MoFo... well long story short... my 5k dollar wheelchair got messed up and broken on the ugly streets of south america... I can't receive another in 5 years by the U.S. Gov... so? what do you recommend me personally... to live in bad conditions or fight back? well I plan to make them buy me a brand new...
Don't worry I can walk, but using a mechanical knee which is too expensive, that's why I'm doing 1 of my projects to get the money, and one of the logos I need...

www.nakedexercises.com

But see? they don't recognize that I broke my wheelchair on their installations, no ramps no nothing and working for 6 months...
so I decided on this life not to be a victim, but fight back...
as you can see is not confusing... my goal is set.

IO Games, Inc.
3155 E Patrick Lane Ste #1
Las Vegas, NV. 89120
www.iogames.com
1-888-WE-IOGAMES

FINAL WORDS FROM ~petercui
What game are you playing? contacting me using 3 different email addresses, making stories that’s not believable. Adding edition information randomly.
Deciplein Yourself! You are dealing with a Lion here. and you don’t want to piss him off!!!!
NOW GET OUT OF MY FACE AT ONCE!


~iogames via: iogames@gmail.com
Well Lion-Kitty, see how your attitude complicate everything... I may discipline myself, but you must learn english, I found many mistakes on your emails...
Let's play then, you don't want to cooperate or think 2 seconds, you just react like beauty-queen, I hope you have a very understanding boyfriend cause you are hard to deal with...
Reading completes here.

Hey, straight into the point. First, my Panasonic LUMIX DMC GF1 have finally arrived 2 days ago, the GF1 is sexy and classily at the same time it produce amazing Raw image quality, compare to the Olympus Pen EP1 LUMIX GF1 is out standing. And i believe is better then my NikonD200, and for that reason i have sold my NikonD200 along with a Micro lens, i also sold my Sony DSC T700. now i have a single camera that fit the bill of being small at the same time product outstanding image quality. (btw i wanted a White color one, but couldn't find it anywhere in Melbourne, sad.)

Second My new Wallpaper Basic. it's a simple wallpaper base of my Windows 7 Packaging design. comes in 4 colors, and I used a interesting size a ratio at 16:9 these sizes will became sickening popular in the future. but still i feel the need to roll out a 16:10 ratio size up to 2560x1600. and i am working on that it should be out any time soon.

Third and last my Official Facebook account is finally gone for a better future. I was planning to upgrade my 3 years old laptop, but i might have to cancel that plan, money problem.

Update: Err.. my typo are silly!!!!

Well you know that. you will alway find people who is doing a better job then you and i. So don't compare with them. Art is very subjective, some kind of crazy and strange abstract artwork can be a masterpiece in some people's eyes. We humans wasn't able to fully understand what is art, therefore our judgments are in huge mess. Art is so huge, kind of like love. Therefore the wise way is to learn what's good about it and what you like about it, then see how you can apply it into your artwork and make it your own and make your work more interesting or better.

Artwork can never be measure by money. Every each artwork is priceless. sometime the most honest artwork are coming from the children's hands. In my eye those are the most beautiful, made with honesty.

Sometimes people got depress and stop try due to comparing and i think thats just such a sad thing to happen. if that's what you love doing, keep trying Keep doing your work try to do you best you can, improve a little by little, soon you will see the big difference. You won't see the big change overnight that's not how life is made, it will take you a while sometime maybe years.

The best way to get motived is to love what you are doing, therefore you can keep trying even if your feel sad or low. if you love it i believe you will come back and try again. Another thing is support and guides, you need support from family and friend, you also need encouragement from them. You do not need to go to collage or university to learn Art. because Art is everywhere. In Collage or University you are learning what Mankind think art is all about, but, doesn't mean that is what art is really about. In my eyes Nature is your perfect guidance of art and beauty. Also the most important thing is that God the creator of all things, He is your perfect guidance. He is the greatest designer ever. there won't be any thing or any one above him.

So and So.
Don't compare, is not necessary at all.
Love and learn each artwork.
Happy Holidays People

Lastly a quick update, why did i post this journal?
Well ~sensign emailed and wanna know what's happening with me, he thought i am leaving DA, but i told him i am not. and we had a little email chat so. that's what happen. and i end up talking too much and thought that it is indeed important to share this thing with you all. so that's it.

One more last thing.... I am not leaving.
Ok End.

So what's going on? Well 1st i terminated my Facebook account,  i felt Facebook is really useless, and for me i have 240 something friend, and most of those friend i actually do know them, i mean it when i say that, i know them and they know me. but then we never really talk, seriously. i know because we are all busy. So i ask myself what is the point of all this?  Soon i deleted it, just one less thing to worry about. so what is next? well sure is not DA.

Study have been extremmly well i got 4 x High Distinctions  & 1 x Distinctions. Couldn't ask anything better.

Working on a web design project.

I sold my Nikon D200, Sony DSC T700, LaCie External HDD 500GB, Wacom Intuos Tablet all on eBay.
And as soon as i finish my current project i will put my Macbook Pro together with Apple Wireless Keyboard + Apple Wireless Might mouse (also the rechargeable batteries and battery charger) on sell. Mmmm maybe also with my Rain design mStand, and maybe maybe my Bose speakers and my Dell Monitor too. Well i want to sell all my gears. I'm sorry i do not do international shipments (because is going to be Freaking expensive to ship to overseas and is unsafe). And all of this will happen on eBay before Christmas. Good Bye my electrical buddies.

I'll Move to a new apartment this month to live with my friend with much cheap rent too, saves me 315 dollar every fucking month. wow, i love it, some more i got friends. to me it's a 5 star apartment because of friends.

Lastly but also very importantly I have found someone who loves me 110%, and i love him too. he is a African American, that makes him black. whatever it is, he is the most beautiful man ( his heart and person not the looks) i have know so far in my life, something i that i have been amazed about many times. he live far away from me so we Skype a lot. future is still something i have to find out, but so far it's good. Whatever happens it's meant to happen so i am not going to force anything to behave other than that. one thing i know which hard to do, that is do your very best at your part.

DA is something that is out of check book list for a long time i only check a once in a long while seems like a strange land. and look like this place will only get lonelier and stranger in the future. so try not to leave comments or notes because they won't get replies, email is your best chance to get an responds.

So just read it don't leave comments. and I am not leaving just check less. if you are confuses i apologize.

I got this email from a friend.. And it hurts me so terribly. It's worst then what you are thinking about right now.
And big warning For people who like to go bars / clubbings (in China or maybe around the world)

In Sichuan China, there's a case of a young girl, an undergrad university student who went for clubbing on a fine Saturday night. She was very happy and drank a lot of alcholic drinks. A young handsome man approached her, teasing & flirting with her. The girl finally hook up with the young handsome man and followed him to a nearby luxury hotel for one night stand.

At the hotel, she was served with a kind of alcholic drinks (wine) and slowly she passed out. When she woke up, she discovered that her whole body was numb in the bathtub filled with ice. Beside the bathtub, the young handsome man left her a note written in red along with her cellphone, "Call 120 now, (120 is the emergence number like 999 or 000)  or else you will die..."

Her whole body was numb and hardly had the energy to move around. She call the number and described her present situation. A doctor on the line suggest she check her back waist whether there's 2 cut of 9 inches opening wounds. She was extremely shocked to find out that her situation was what the doctor described. Then, the doctor advised her to lay back in the ice bathtub, don't attempt to move around and wait for paramedics to rescue her.

It turned out that her kidneys were stolen by the young handsome man. A kidney can fetch up to 300 000 Renminbi in the black market ! A specialised doctor for the case said that the alcholic drink that was served to her in the hotel room was no ordinary wine. It maybe mixed with some kind of anaesthetic. In addition, lying her in the ice bathtub to numb her back before cutting her open can also make the victim feels no pain at all. Waiting for a kidney donor is a near impossible thing to happen in China. After a period of unfruitful time waiting for a kidney, the poor girl died.

Advice & Warning from the Chinese Police : This a new kind of well organized crime operating at large scale targetting especially young girls, men, students & tourists. This kind of crime syndicates are well-trained people who are expert in medical fields actively moving around in Clubs & Bars. Hunting for sex, one night stand and clubbing in China can be very sorry if you're unlucky. Never accept free drinks or follow any stranger to hotel. Please pass this on and warn others to be careful and never trust strangers easily. Alertness can prevent crimes from happening.

~Pathelyn~


给喜欢去酒吧的男女 严肃，要求看完 ‏

有一个大学女生去参加星期六晚上的庆祝。她觉得很快乐，喝了很多酒，这时有个年轻帅哥坐在了她的前面。在男孩的百般调情挑逗下，该女生终于答应与这个帅哥去了家附近酒店，并开了个豪华包间。

房间里，该女生喝了些酒，慢慢地她开始觉得不清醒，然后就睡著了。当该女生再醒来时，发现自己全身赤裸地在浴缸中，而且浴缸里满满的都是冰。浴池旁边有张纸条，上面赫然用红字写著'打一二零，否则你会死！'她自己的手机也在纸条旁边。

她拨打了。并说明自己目前的情况。医生建议她检查自己的背部，结果她发现有两条九寸长的割伤口在背部下方！！！医生要她马上躺回满是冰的浴缸，告诉她不要动，马上会有急救队来找她。

原来，她的肾脏被偷了！那两条口，就是取出她的肾脏时留下的！在黑市里，一肾脏值三00000元！法医判断，被害人所喝的酒中，可能不只是单纯的迷幻药，还有强力的麻醉剂，而冰也起到了镇痛效果，所以被害人暂时不会感觉到疼痛。该女生在医院里等待肾脏捐赠无果后死亡。

警察忠告大家：这是一种新的犯罪正在发生，并且以年轻女性和男生，旅游者，学生为目标。犯罪组织很有规模，并且有训练有素的人员。这种犯罪行为正发生在全国各地酒吧！！

~Pathelyn~

My last Journal was quite something to a lot of people, not only i expressed my believes, i also shown my joy and pride.

Well i didn't sleep until now, yes you are right, I didn't sleep since 24 hour ago. I Stay up all night simply because i want know what people have to say about my last journal post Gay Isn't Sin! That's the Truth and  i want to reply right away. And it was very colorful, and I deeply appreciated all the comments and i replied them all as best possible. I enjoyed. Also I'm so please to see just only very few who replied in words that just wasn't very pleasant.  Again I strongly believe that Gay is not a Sin, Gay is not unnatural. Therefore i found my reason to rejoice, and live the equal life as everybody else. and now i am going to share with you my 1st coming out experience and the revisit the gay topic again with my mother today and what had happen!!!

1st Try!
I was always worried how my family will respond to me as a gay man. I remember the 1st time i told them that i am gay, it was very unsuccessful and a terrible experience. I call them on the phone, and told them that i am Gay. Then all I get is nothing but pain and shame. My father call me a abomination, and during the whole conversation with my dad i just listen, I didn't say much at all because i don't know what to say, i was been told from some of the worst things you can imagine, at that moment I was down to the bottom the earth and everything just felt meaning less and hopeless. But they didn't disown me and that was the part i most thankful and shows me that they still loves me, and i will never forget that. Then is my mom, she can't stop crying, you can hear her voice that she is not right at all, she is losing her mind, she sounded she is going to pass out.. Oh No!! to hear all that i just could not take it anymore, it was too much and too hard. I felt like i just destroy the hope of my family, the worst part is that i felt like i am about to destroy this family.  All i am thinking is that, i can't do this to my family. So i ask my mother to calm down and i said to her that i will get marry to a girl, and asked her do not worry that i will bring home a girl. And that's the only words i said to her that could stop her crying so hard and losing herself, so it worked for my father to stop and huge anger.  When i hung up te phone i am just  ........................................................................ I don't want to marry to a woman, i feel like if i am going to a relationship with a woman i will be a jerk or liar. But i don't know what to do, i was too scared. Just imagine what's like for my mom and dad to know that their only son is a gay. it mean heart breaks to thousand of pieces.

But Since then we never talk about the gay thing. And they think i am straight. but during the last 6 months my mother did brings up the gay topic once but it was really short and quick didn't talk much at all. and i see that she kind of changed her perspective on this gay thing. and i was surprised to see that. Because between me and my mother we will talk about work, she will share about the thing that happen at work and i will give her some advice and feedback and share our idea and exchange it. But we hardly talk about our feelings and or anything so sensitive, and kind of pretend that this gay thing is not there, but we both want to talk about it, but it's just kind of hard to start.

Blessed Again!
Until yesterday the amazing breakthrough happened. because of the movie i saw. And just few hours ago, i felt like the time it's right, i felt the time is right!!! So I deiced to try again. And This time i am only going to call my mother. I call her on the phone again. I didn't think too much and just went straight in to the topic i said:" Mother how are you? I Have a very important thing that i want to talk about. it's something we talked about 2 years go".... so thing started from there.  And the amazing thing happened. we had the most amazing conversational of your life so far. We realize that we been misunderstand each other, because we don't talk about our true feelings we were just guessing others here and there. I asked her how she think about gay, she told me just like a lot of Christians would say, she thought that gay is a choice, gay is shame, gay is unnatural, and the lists goes on, but she also said that she will support and love me with whatever choice i made at the end of the day, and told me that i am good man, honest, loving, caring, smart, generous, brave person. Wow is there anything better then what she just said about me? Nothing. that's priceless. And she also told me that she have never stop praying for me. She is amazing.

Then i share about my life as a gay man, and how i felt about it, i told her what i believe in from my perceptive my point of view, also gave her an insight of what a gay man really is and what he thinks about, basically just like the son before he came out. And i also talked about what is love means to a gay man. and that kind of feeling i have toward another man that i love. i told her how scared i was for the pass many years that i been dealing it by myself  it was lonely and scary, and the problems that i have to deal with and most importantly why i am not going to church, why i stop praying, it's all because the shame i felt and i just don't fit into normal church. She alway wanted me to go to church, i told her that i will go to church again because i found the truth, she was so relief that God answered her prayer so is God answered my questions. Yes i will go to church again just like i was. but i will take time to find the right one.

The phone call was a bit emotional and amazing, it lasted for An Hour and Fifty Minute. Maybe the most honest chat ever had with mom, i told her Everything! Everything Important things that i felt i must share. Yes everything including AIDs. I told her i have studied AIDs and i know how to protect myself also shared how i look at sex and love. I was so relief. I am so thankful to God because before the phone call i ask and said to God that i am going to try my best. Then? The Amazing things happen!!! I'm seriously so happy with almost tears coming out from my eyes. Thanks goes to my mother and father they love me. And i was a wild ride for me to actually realize it and feel it. and i am on the right track. I haven't told my dad yet, but i will. At the moment this is an Epical successes! I did it. I'm the Brave one, because of God and my family! yes I'm the brave one! and of cause i am blessed Again!

Tell you what. The word Gay is one of those words created to describe Joy.
and Gay it’s the best word to express joy ever!

It's Love, Hope, Faith & Gay!
Be Proud Be Faithful Have Hope, and Love will come with Gays!



With Love
Bide Cui

*Updated : Fixed Spelling error and some grammar errors also added extra lines.*

It's been a wild ride. I guess some of your active christians might be putting out scriptures from the Holy Bible now, and wanna show me things that the bible calls abomination. And that was how i thought the bible was when talking about gay people. I'm a Christian more faith than some of you out there. I have questioned more things than some of the straight man and woman out there. Simply because life is hard with painful for people like me, having to deal with the shame, the fear. To me love is a question. God's Love is even a epical question, simply because i was taught that Gay people will go to Hell and the worst part is the Shame and hate they ( for some of us it even includes our own family member like Mother and Father ) put on you.

Few days ago I found a Gay Education video [link] , after watching it and for the 1st time in my life, i see something different i found the different view of what it mean to be Gay! Then a deviantART Friend commented and pointed me to a movie call : For The Bible Tells Me So.
Immediately i did a Google Search, I found the Trailer, Watched!
Seconds later i ordered from eBay!

...
Today i watched.
Then i cry!
Then I pray!
Then i know i will never be the same again.
To me is an Eye Opening Experiences. Soul Shaking Wake up call.
Windows been open in my mind! I saw things in a whole different way now.
btw that Gay Educations animation was part of this movie.

Trailer of For The Bible Tells Me So : [link]
Watch The 1st Part of the Film & Follow along to the rest : [link]
I Prefer You Buy The Genuine DVD So To Support Film Makers.

Today I Reborned. My eyes are open, my hearts are open, and i hear the truth. Many questions are answered! This documentary For The Bible Tells Me So Goes in so deep, it's so true, and it tell me that homosexual is Not A Sin, and shows how people have been misuse bible in so many ways. This is an Epical movies to me.  [link] and we need to Re-Think!

If you are Gay and having the fear about living this life and been told or taught that Gay is Sin. You need to watch this film. Seriously! Get it today! Or watch it on Youtube! It have many of my questions answered, and i certainly hope it will do the same for you. I'm so happy and relief. And I MUST!!! share this with you all. It not only tells me all the facts I need to know about the bible, it's also speaks the truth. This Film is about Truth and Unconditional Love. It also make clear that God Loves All, God do not hate Gay or any other. So many people being use Bible as a weapon of hate on all the Gay people, and so many teen have die because of the fear and shame they live in. I was one of them who had fear and felt shameful. but that's yesterday!

I will not stop, but keep on help more Gay Teen to understand that Gay = Joy, Hope, Love, Faith. And clearn their mind so they can have a healthy balance between Religion & Homosexuality. And i hope all the straight people could take a chance and watch it too. I think that's what a wise men will do, which is to listen what everyone have to say before making the statement. I hope this film make us Think! and Re-Think!


Today and beyond is going to be different!
To me Gay Is Not Sin.
To me Gay was Joy and still Is and will be forever.
To me Gay was Love and will still be love and more importantly Gay mean Unconditional Love.
To me Gay makes Me think and question, and that brings me stronger hope than others.
To me Gay bring Me pain, but it also brings me faith that stronger than the rest.

God Loves All.
We are created to love, not judge.
We are created to learn not to tell right or wrong.
We are created to be proud.
We are Beautiful and Gay!


With Love
Bide Cui